I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
