New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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