I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
