Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
