I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
