so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
