That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
