I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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