I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
