I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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