what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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