Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
