i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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