I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
