careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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