I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
