I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
