I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize