I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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