im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize