Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
