I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
