I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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