ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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