i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
