Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
