Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
