Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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