I looked at my own cervix.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
