I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
