So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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