someone threw a dead crab at me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
