Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I intend to get homeless drunk
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
