He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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