We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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