What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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