the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
