remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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