If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
