rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
