Ambien. No doubt about it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
