went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize