I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
