Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
