You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
