I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Found the puke drawer
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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