I accidentally had phone sex last night
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
