Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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