I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
