dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
