Me too!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
