I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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