someone get that fucking seahorse.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
