i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
