wakey wakey hands off snakey
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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