I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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