The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
