Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
