If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
