I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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