nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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