Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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