The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
