Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Congratulations! We have a period
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