I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
