Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
