my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
